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Review

“That she is so candidly aware of her own shortcomings . . . makes the journey of discovery with her great fun.”—USA Today   “Kelly Corrigan wrote the book—well, make that four—on the heart-tugging joyride that happens in real life. Whether she’s being diagnosed with cancer in her thirties or watching her bigger-than-life father beat cancer or wryly observing other family members as well as herself, Corrigan’s books are inspiring as well as so much fun to read.”—Parade“With heartfelt humor and penetrating insight, Corrigan uses the pain, anguish, failure, and occasional successes in her life to explore the vital connection between the words we say and the relationships we develop, both with the people around us and ourselves. Punctuated with her signature warmth and unflinching honesty, her introspective musings gush with empathy for every partner, parent, child, or friend who has said the wrong thing at the wrong time. At times laugh-out-loud funny but overwhelmingly bittersweet, this brief book spans time and experience to drive home a seemingly simple but significant message: finding the right words is a lifelong journey. Other phrases include ‘I Love You’ and ‘No Words at All.’ Moving and deeply personal, Corrigan’s portraits of love and loss urge readers to speak more carefully and hold on tighter to the people they love.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)“This book is beautiful. It’s funny and real and fearless and deep in a way that made me grateful it exists.”—Judd Apatow   “Tell Me More, a memoir so beautifully honest in its depiction of love and loss, transformed me.”—Imbolo Mbue, New York Times bestselling author of Behold the Dreamers“Tell Me More is a testament to the idea that the things we say matter, that our words have the power to comfort and uplift, empower and inspire. Kelly Corrigan takes on all the big, difficult questions here, with great warmth and courage. As life unfolds, this is a book I will go back to again and again.”—Glennon Doyle“It is such a comfort just knowing that Kelly Corrigan exists: she is somehow both wise and self-deprecating; funny but unafraid of pain; frank but gentle. She is the sister/mother/best friend we all wish we could have—and because of this big-hearted book, we all get to.”—Ariel Levy, author of The Rules Do Not Apply“With full-bodied humor and radical sensitivity, Kelly Corrigan transforms the mundane pain of life into a necessary spiritual text of sorts, one that reminds us that we have the right to grieve but the obligation to be grateful. This book will remind you that you are human—and of the fragile loveliness of being so.”—Lena Dunham

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About the Author

Kelly Corrigan has been called “the voice of her generation” by O: The Oprah Magazine and “the poet laureate of the ordinary” by HuffPost. She is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Middle Place, Lift, and Glitter and Glue. She is also the creative director of The Nantucket Project and host of their conversation series about what matters most. She lives near Oakland, California, with her husband, Edward Lichty, and her daughters, Georgia and Claire.

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Product details

Hardcover: 240 pages

Publisher: Random House (January 9, 2018)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 9780399588372

ISBN-13: 978-0399588372

ASIN: 039958837X

Product Dimensions:

5.3 x 1 x 7.8 inches

Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.6 out of 5 stars

184 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#18,071 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

I have read every one of Kelly Corrigan’s books. I was waiting, excitedly, for her newest TELL ME MORE: STORIES ABOUT THE 12 HARDEST THINGS I’M LEARNING TO SAY. I wanted to be able to absorb it with no distractions, full eyes, and knowing that her words were going to speak to me. Just as the messages in her other books did. Kelly writes with such conviction and just the right nuance of humor, about subjects that are both challenging as well as the everyday. Nailing it every time.Whether thinking about her departed larger than life father, Greenie, or her dearest friend Liz, who also passed away, way too soon, but who lives on for Kelly through her children, with whom she remains so close.Tell me more, Kelly. “It’s like this.” That last paragraph. I have re-read it several times and plan to again and again. Ground control. I could barely get through it. In a good way. I might have snorted when she wrote that her daughters know more about “JoJo and Jordan from The Bachelorette than with Jacob and Joseph from the Bible” after watching Ruby up on the bimah.My laughter was probably audible down the street when she talks about her teenage daughters as you can just visualize each scenario: Kelly feels like an underappreciated chauffeur, has had more eye rolls than a woman deserves in a lifetime, but she gives as well as she gets. I can relate like we were separated at birth with her own teen years laid out in one sentence through a TV show, popular singer, and pantry item.​You do not need to be grieving, nor a parent, to read TELL ME MORE. Just human with a soul. Kelly dishes some of the best wisdom that a person can give in this book about things that you wish you knew in advance of the hard stuff that inevitably comes.I am not a fan of self-help books at all. Never was, not sure I ever will be. But give me a memoir that is thoughtful, introspective and is not forcing a way of life on you and I am all in. This is the kind of book that you come away from feeling like you had a great weekend with a trusted friend. Refreshed, reflective, the best cry ever, and oh, the laughter.

This book was absolutely beautiful. Beautifully written, instantly drawing you in, evoking emotions, making you think. I laughed a lot of genuine laughter and I cried many, many tears. Thank you Kelly Corrigan for letting me feel so many emotions while reading your lovely book.I've been recommending this book to EVERYONE I know, I've even sent out emails. For what its worth I've read 14 books in 5 weeks of 2018 and this is one of two that I've found to be worth of recommendation.

I have had “Tell Me More” on my TBR stack for some time yet I was hesitant to read because of the subject matter. But, it’s due at the Library tomorrow so I committed yesterday to reading the first few chapters. Needless to say, Kelly Corrigan and I have a lot in common and I loved the entire book. My biggest takeaway is giving myself permission to forgive my shortcomings as a parent. I don’t think anyone has this job perfected but I’m “Good Enough.” One on my favorite quotes: “Accepting things as they are is difficult. A lot of people go to war with reality.” Kelly Corrigan has that right...life is messy so you keep moving onward and appreciate what you have in the moment. Well done! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #positive #acceptance #forgiveness #life #love #family #mistakes #victories #supporting #loyal #loss #books #books #bookstagram @kellycorrigan #tellmemore #parenting @penguinrandomhouse @randomhouse #kellycorrigan #damnstraight @annebogel #mmdIG: @bookbimbo

I chose to read this book expecting something completely different. I was captivated by Kelly’s honesty and humor. I wish she were my friend or at least a next door neighbor.

The latest from Kelly Corrigan was as honest and sincere as anything of hers that I’ve read. After a year (2016) that ended with challenge and disruption, this was a gentle reminder of how necessary it still is, and how empowering it can be, to take time to reflect, honor and heal after loss - or simply as a way to grow in life. The insights are at once universal, and uniquely personal. Kelly Corrigan is the best mentor I’ve ever wished I had, and fictitiously claimed for personal reference....Thank you, once again, Ms. Corrigan.

I love this book. I love Kelly Corrigan's voice, her views on friendship and motherhood and marriage--everything. This book kept me company through a very tense time in my life, and I carried it everywhere with me. It made me both laugh and cry. I know everyone says this, but it was honestly like having a delightful, real conversation with a very good friend.

I was really looking forward to this book, but I didn't even make it through the entire book. I read the first 141 pages, but then I had to stop. I had read enough about human feces on the bathroom floor. The author's foul-mouthed language is over the top at times -- a real turn off. Too bad -- it definitely had potential at times.

I have been looking forward to this book for so long! Read it in a day, as I have with all of her others. Kelly has the unique ability to make you feel as though she is speaking to you and only you. She keeps it real and grabs you from the first page. Always laugh out loud and cry when reading her words. Looking forward to seeing Kelly in the Bay Area in February.

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PDF Download , by Stephen Batchelor

PDF Download , by Stephen Batchelor

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, by Stephen Batchelor

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File Size: 1898 KB

Print Length: 396 pages

Publisher: Yale University Press (October 28, 2015)

Publication Date: October 1, 2015

Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC

Language: English

ASIN: B0155072XM

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If you are reading reviews of this book to determine whether it's worth your time, my answer is yes: I think most readers with an interest in the dharma, except perhaps those unshakably committed to traditional Buddhist dogmas on karma and reincarnation, will find much value here. This is an intelligent, serious, and engaging work whose ideas the author likely pondered and refined over a period of years, a learned but vibrant formulation of a secular dharma that hones in on tasks we can undertake to live compassionately and authentically. At the same time, this secular dharma dispenses with metaphysical and ontological claims that have scant bearing on liberating ourselves from the prison of reactivity. Someone who is drowning has little use for a lesson on the chemistry of water. What is needed is a teaching on how to breathe in and out of the water, and how to move and thrive in a dynamic seascape of ever-shifting currents, not a discourse on covalent and hydrogen bonds or molecular orbital theory.The book is organized into eleven chapters that alternate in shiplap fashion, an expository chapter on the dharma followed by a chapter on an individual associated with the Buddha. The latter are helpful in providing a historical context of the Buddha's life and times. In all, five characters are profiled: Mahanama, a cousin of Buddha and a governor of Sakiya; Pasenadi, king of Kosala; Sunakkhatta, a Judas Iscariot figure; Jivaka, a physician; and Ananda, the Buddha's attendant.Batchelor's approach to the surviving Buddhist corpus borrows from Biblical textual criticism, attempting to suss out from the massive Pali canon parts that may be attributed to early Buddhist tradition and even the historical Buddha himself, hereafter referred to as Gotama. Batchelor declares in the first chapter: "My starting point in dealing with dogmatic statements is to bracket off anything attributed to Gotama that could just as well have been said by another wanderer, Jain monk, or brahmin priest of the same period." That is, utterances inconsistent with Indic beliefs prevalent during that period are more likely to be authentic, to not have been emended by a later hand. Batchelor continues, "The bracketing off of such beliefs does not, in my opinion, result in a fragmentary and emasculated dharma. Instead, the result is what appears to be an entirely adequate ethical, contemplative, and philosophical framework for leading a flourishing life in this (italics) world."Gotama, as described by Batchelor, stresses the undertaking of existential tasks rather than cerebral, speculative, and abstract elaborations on metaphysics or even universal ethics. More on the latter shortly. Leaning on Pali philologist K.R. Norman's observations on the semantic oddity involving the use of "ariya-saccam" or "noble truth" in Gotama's first alleged discourse, Batchelor recasts the four noble truths as the four tasks instead. In other words, he asks us to lift our gaze from the metaphysics of the Truths of the existence, origin, and cessation of suffering, and instead reframe them as four tasks we can undertake to negotiate both an unpredictable world that is often traumatizing as well as our reactivity to it. As an experienced craftsman deploys an array of skills in his trade, so does a wise person skillfully practice the four tasks to flourish in this world. In Batchelor's reformulation of the four noble truths, they become the following tasks: 1) Embrace [the totality of] life; 2) Let go of what[ever reactivity that] arises; 3) See its ceasing; 4) Act!The foundation for performing the four tasks is the two-fold ground of causality and nirvana. Causality: this is so because that is so. Knowing that this leads to that enables us to follow the path toward liberation. Likewise, when you see that letting go of reactivity opens a space for a peace that is unmolested by burning impulses, when you have tasted this nirvana in which flames of impulse are extinguished, if only temporarily, it is possible to enter the stream and begin swimming toward liberation. To enter this stream, one must have courage to see past the shaky grounds on which we often rest our identity, whether they are nationality, ethnicity, gender, career, educational background, or favorite sports team. The grounds of causality and nirvana are more elusive yet offer a much surer footing for a sane and fulfilling life.What kind of a person was the historical Gotama who emerges from the suttas and vinayas? Stripped of the supernatural and dogmatic elements that Batchelor deems later accretions influenced by Indic traditions, the Gotama we see is foremost a pragmatist. Attentive to the specifics of a situation, he abandons claims to ultimate truths or universal ethics. He says, “Of that which the wise in the world agree upon as not existing, I too say that it does not exist. And of that which the wise in the world agree upon as existing, I too say that it exists." It seems that Gotama did not toss and turn at night agonizing over metaphysical questions! Gotama's ethics, as well, are guided by core values but eschew absolutism. For the monastic community, Gotama allowed for the revocation of minor rules after his passing, and left it up to the mendicants themselves to fashion out what that means. Of philosophy, ethics, and jurisprudence that seek to hammer out universally applicable principles, Gotama would probably say that they lazily elide over the all-important contextual details that guide us toward the most wise and loving course of action for a given situation. Nor is Gotama a detached ascetic. He regularly interacts with the outside world, and springs to action where there is a need. In this book we see him negotiating delicate political terrains. We also see him as a healer. Upon discovering a dysentery-stricken mendicant who lay in his own excrement, neglected by his fellow mendicants, Gotama cleans off the fecal waste and bathes him, after which he scolds the sick man's cohorts: "If you do not tend to each other, then who is there who will tend to you? Whoever would tend to me, he should tend to the sick." Gotama, as we glimpse him in these anecdotes, is compassionate, practical, and engaged.In the closing chapter, A Culture of Awakening, Batchelor champions a dharma that speaks urgently to the needs of our times. The project Gotama envisioned was like rebuilding upon the ruins of a newly discovered ancient city. Here, informed by the freedom of nirvana, individuals come together to build a culture in which humans can truly flourish. Realizing this core vision does not, Batchelor argues, require an unquestioning belief in doctrines such as karma and reincarnation. He asks, in a secular western civilization without long traditions in which reincarnation was taken as a given, in which scientific narratives have overtaken religious ones, does belief in reincarnation help us accomplish the four tasks? Batchelor concludes the book with his Ten Theses of Secular Dharma, most of whose credos have been reflected in this review, but which also espouses sanghas, or spiritual communities, without hierarchies.While I cannot judge the quality of Batchelor's Pali scholarship, the book seemed to be densely woven with learned and carefully nuanced arguments. I found the author an able and sensitive reader, and many times in the book I was surprised by how much information he was able to extract from seemingly insignificant Pali fragments. Batchelor's conjectures and conclusions regarding the texts are necessarily speculative, but I believe they are informed and intelligent. His textual approach to arrive at the historical Gotama is a welcome one, and in my opinion, badly needed in Buddhist studies. I also believe that his vision of a secular dharma is sensible and healthy. Buddhism has survived across centuries and continents because it was able to adapt to the needs of its practitioners, though its core teachings remained intact. Batchelor is wise to ask what kind of dharma follows after Buddhism in a western culture in which the idea of mindfulness has spread like wildfire, but one that is unlikely to embrace the idea of reincarnation in literal rather than metaphorical terms. Additionally, I found the portraits of Gotama and assorted characters in this book vivid and compelling. Here we see these historical people fleshed out, with their ideologies, allegiances, temperaments, and limitations. We gasp in horror as Gotama is helpless to stop the genocidal onslaught of his kinsmen by a vengeful king. We witness a monk of senior position, disappointed in Gotama's lack of supernatural abilities, turn traitorous and furiously denounce his former teacher. In the chapter on Ananda, we sympathize with Gotama's attendant as he is humiliated and marginalized in the power struggle that ensues Gotama's death.I do disagree with Batchelor on a few counts, most notably on the meaning of Gotama's awakening. I'll discuss only the latter here. Was Gotama's awakening the complete and eternal eradication of the impulses of greed, hatred, and delusion? Clearly not, as the Pali canon describes his multiple encounters with Mara, the personified metaphor of these forces, even after his enlightenment. Batchelor appears resigned to the impossibility of a lasting nirvana: "The problem with the three fires of greed, hatred, and confusion does not lie in their being hot but in the havoc they cause when they get out of control. ... The parable of the snake might suggest that these fires are not to be extinguished but regulated. Since emotions appear to be rooted deep in our limbic system as the legacy of biological evolution, regulation might be all that is possible and feasible." For Batchelor, then, nirvanic freedom is not something to work toward, but available in each moment we choose to disentangle ourselves from reactivity. If progress is made, it is by habituation.My own experiences have led me to a different take. While I agree with Batchelor that we are inescapably subject to features of our mammalian physiology, I do not believe that nirvana is something merely glimpsed through practice, a momentary peace that flits like a butterfly in and out of our lives. Traumas we've experienced dissociate us physically from our bodies and temporally, and consequently 1) we lack full awareness of the felt sense of living in our bodies, and 2) our thoughts constantly stray from the present, either wandering toward fantasies or fears regarding the future, or dwelling upon glories, regrets, or injuries of the past. Whatever evolutionary instincts we are born with for the sake of self-preservation, trauma adds to the fuel of Mara's fire. In my opinion, Gotama's instruction on mindfulness of the breath is a prescription for the undoing, the healing, of the forces of trauma, to bring us back into our bodies in this moment. I believe that creating and sustaining this internal milieu opened up the space for the healing of the traumas of Gotama's past until there was no more to be undone. I say this based on my ongoing experience with the healing of traumas. A practice of meditation on and off the cushion has been the foundation allowing me to slowly process the traumas of my past, and little by little, I find that I am becoming less reactive. My days tend to be more present, I feel more connected to my body, and compassion flows more naturally. Even in emotionally volatile moments, it is becoming easier to slip back into the sublimity of the present moment. In short the fires of greed, anger, and confusion now burn less avidly in my interior landscape than they did a year ago, and much less so than they did, say, three years ago. Given my personal trajectory, I can only extrapolate that there must be an eventual end to the flames of trauma, at which point the limbic system may still stir and rattle, but with considerably attenuated intensity. This is my understanding of, and partial experience with, nirvana.Finally, for those who might be interested, recordings of many of Batchelor's talks are freely available on the dharma seed website. I have listened to a few over the past several days, and they address many of the themes from this book. I wish you well on your path.

I have enjoyed Stephen Batchelor’s writing and point of view regarding a more secular teaching of the Buddhist path, and this book is no exception.He very clearly and logically outlines a view of the life and teachings of the Buddha (who he simply refers to as Gotama (a nice touch) throughout) that do not fit the orthodoxy that we are fed by so many of his contemporary (and most all past) writers. This book challenges that Buddhist orthodoxy at every turn, while it provides scriptural references (liberally, yet thoughtfully interpreted) to support the views presented by the author.Mr. Batchelor attempts to bring us back to a teaching of the dharma that is grounded in experience, avoiding the trappings of the mysticism that is so pervasive in Buddhism today. And while exasperating at times (especially for this ordained Chan Buddhist), it is refreshing to read because it provides an opportunity for the reader to reorient his practice towards a more meaningful, holistic, and personal dharma with the desired outcome being a more loving and complete relationship with the world of everyday life, and the beings inhabiting it. Too often we spend our practice contemplating if the world “out there” is real, instead of treating others with love and respect.One failing, for me personally, was Mr. Bachelor’s equivocation when it came to the topic of rebirth and karma. He simply cannot seem to put these behind him as honestly and thoroughly as he does similar mysticism (no self, two truths doctrine, psychic powers, etc.) inherent in the teachings today. To suggest that these two dogmatic positions had some value to those who believed them fails to admit that they also lead to far greater harm when used as weapons against individuals in the form of “your past transgressions are why you suffer now.” It’s nonsense.Lastly, and the primary reason for giving 4 instead of 5 stars, the book starts to ramble towards the end, as if Mr. Batchelor seems to forgot his main purpose for writing it – providing an alternative, yet compelling secular narrative for the life and teachings of the Buddha. He quickly refocuses, but for a good part of the time, I am left wondering if the material is just filler to make the book longer.Will this book (as with his others) inspire condemnation by a more fundamentalist set of Buddhists who have grown (too) attached to the teachings they admire? Most likely (certainly?). But Stephen Batchelor is no stranger to such condemnation, nor does he allow it to distort his focus or convictions – for which I applaud him.If you are open-minded to a dharma that isn’t mired in mysticism, orthodoxy, and ancient ritualized practices, read this book.

I am so blown away by the author's explanation of many familiar passages from the Pali Canon. I have been studying and practicing Buddhism for nearly 40 years, first as a religion, then not as a religion but as a mental discipline, then again as a religion...... anyway, I think you can see my point -- confusion comes from having so many competing views of what the Buddha actually taught. I am not a Pali scholar and so have had to rely on the various translations and interpretations out there but I am trained in a profession that is grounded in logic (the law) and that is what I find so appealing in this book. It has already answered some of my long term questions, e.g. what is the unborn? how is this different from the Hindu atman? how does this fit with the reference to anatman in other Buddhist teachings? I highly recommend.

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, by Stephen Batchelor PDF

, by Stephen Batchelor PDF

, by Stephen Batchelor PDF

, by Stephen Batchelor PDF

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